Pigmenteria Ubiquita Middle-Aged Intellegentsia Distinguishing features: Over 45, thick formless figure (if large mammaries don't count), big hair set in a high bun, heavy face paint, still dressed in slightly shabby late-Perestroika chic, abundance of ornate fake jewelry. Habitat: Concert halls, theaters, art galleries, banquet halls celebrating faded estrada stars. Danger if Provoked: High. If the Pigmentaria Ubiquita believes that you are trying to cut in the line for free Sovietskoye Shampanskoe she will make a cutting remark couched in Aesopian language. If you miss the reference, she will give you a Medusa stare. Mortal Weaknesses: Having her name mentioned during a long toast given by a once semi-famous Soviet estrada star.