Fetish World Follow

Never easy. The first person I came out to was my high school friend Pam. Actually, that's not true -- I came out to the guy who was sucking my dick, but I think he already kinda knew. I secretly started dating that cocksucker. When we started having problems -- as all first-time gay relationships do within the first month, cuz we never had the luxury of really dating anyone in high school -- I had no one to talk to about it. So I called Pam. She and I would always drive to our spot in a parking lot near Burger King. We would get some coffee (with cream and sweet n' low) and just sit for hours listening to music, talking and insulting each other. We were so fucking cool. Anyway, I brought her there that day to come clean. Y'know how most people say they already had a suspicion that you were gay? Not Pam. Of course I never used the word gay, so it took about an hour for her to understand. I kept saying, something happened between me and this guy, and she's like, "OMG -- are you guys taking drugs?" And I was all, "Hell no! I'm waiting until my late twenties to begin my rock bottom descent." Then she thought I was having some torrid affair with a married woman or something. Eventually I had to use my fingers to simulate two dicks rubbing together, which only led to her asking, "OMG -- are you taking up fencing and are embarrassed about it?" When it finally sunk in, she was more than happy to experience this forbidden world with me. She took me to my first gay club, Carpe Diem, in Rochester, NY back in '92. It has since closed but remains one of the best clubs I've ever been to. I was a wallflower, but anyone who resembled Garth Brooks (shut up! he was cute!) was approached by her and led over to me. She was my pimp daddy. Sadly, I wasn't a slut then, so the Garths were completely bored with me. I was all, "I just want to talk and get to know you." Such a naive boy, I was. This is what once was Carpe Diem. The picture is deceiving. The entire place was huge. I think it's a burger joint or something now: This was the view on the side deck of Carpe Diem. There were several rooms in the club for every type of mood or fetish. I suppose this one was considered "the escape": Obviously I had ended things with the guy who led to my coming out. We remained friends, even though he was a douchebag. He eventually introduced me to his hometown of Washington DC. I loved it, so I started looking into colleges I could transfer to. The main reason, though, was so I could be my big gay self without anyone knowing my bizness. And the gay world in DC was way bigger than Rochester's. Kid in a candy store, I guess. I still see that douchebag occasionally. He's still a douchebag. I can say that to his face with no problem. He would agree. But if it weren't for that douchebag, I wouldn't be here today. Douchebags are put into your life for the purpose of shaking things up. Friends and family keep you grounded, but douchebags challenge you and steer you into waters that may seem uncomfortable at first. Have you hugged and thanked a douchebag today? You should. Pam, on the other hand, remains one of my closest friends. Every gay boy has a Pam in his life -- or at least, he should. Sometimes we forget that we're not 15 anymore. Ah, well.